Mama Moment: Letting Go a Little

I had known all along it was coming, but I wasn’t prepared for just how difficult it would be. And as great as I knew it would be for my little social butterfly, that didn’t make it any easier. But it was time.

Last week, Parker started daycare. We had been planning for this all fall, knowing that one of his daytime babysitters was off to begin her internship in January. And we were thrilled to get a spot in the daycare/preschool on the college campus where my mom teaches, since that meant she could help transport and be close by.

After having the opportunity to be home with Parker much of the time (the rest of which he was here with babysitters) for the first 18 months of his life, that first drop-off was ROUGH. He cried, I cried…it wasn’t pretty.

But his teachers are wonderful, as is the rest of the staff. They have sweetly emailed photos and notes of reassurance throughout his first two weeks, and every afternoon they send out a journal describing their day along with photos.

The drop-offs have gotten easier. There are still tears (mostly from Parker…I hold mine in until I get in the car) but in all honestly, those 3 days a week when he’s in daycare have become sacred to me. Not because I needed a break from him, but because I was starting to burn out trying to juggle the full-time mom/full-time business owner roles.

I spent a year and a half putting some of my attention on any given task, and the result was that I always felt distracted. My time with Parker didn’t feel like quality time, because my to-do list was always in the back of my mind.

But now? I am a POWERHOUSE on Tuesdays, Wednesdays, and Thursdays. I schedule all of my appointments for those days, spend huge chunks of time focusing and getting into “flow” mode with my writing, songwriting, session planning, and administrative tasks, and even devote a few minutes here and there to self-care.

Parker is starting to enjoy being at “school” (especially playing in the gym, according to his teachers), and I know that eventually he will grow to love it. I love that he is interacting with other children his age and learning new things each day.

And on Friday, I am ready to focus solely on Parker until I leave the house to see clients at work, have a relaxing weekend with my family, and get the week off to a leisurely start on Monday. I thought I had the best of both worlds before, but now that I feel more like my old self, I know this is the best possible arrangement for us.

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