by Rachel | Motherhood
As a mom and business owner, I am constantly struggling with the tug-of-war between my family and work. I’m not talking about setting my priorities, because without question, my husband and children come first above everything else. I’m talking about the day-to-day stuff.
The “I could send this email really quick while Parker eats his breakfast” stuff. The “I should really put Mia in her crib rather than hold her a little longer while she sleeps so I can go record that song” stuff. Because there’s always stuff to be done, but never enough hours in the day.
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by Rachel | Family Life, Motherhood
I’m pretty sure every parent in the world would agree that naptime is sacred. It’s taken me a few months to figure out how to best utilize those precious minutes, especially on the days when I’m home with both kids, but I have it down to an art now.
In the early days, I struggled with knowing just when to put Mia down for a nap. Then a couple months ago, I stumbled upon some advice from another mom in a Facebook group I belong to.
She had read that the first nap of the day should start two hours after waking up in the morning, and the next nap should start three hours after waking up from the previous one. According to this mom, it worked brilliantly with her baby, so I was up for giving it a try.
Luckily this schedule has worked out amazingly for Mia, so now I’m a lot better at planning out our days based on when Mia wakes up.
I typically put Mia down for her nap around 10 am, at which point Parker and I hightail into my bedroom. He plays with his lego table and reads books while I take a quick shower and get ready for the day, all while Mia sleeps. If she sleeps an extra long time, I might even sneak in some quick computer work while Parker entertains himself.
When she wakes up, we go downstairs and eat lunch before it is Parker’s turn to take his nap. That time isn’t nearly as productive, since Mia is too young to play on her own for more than just a few minutes (and I always stay within arm’s length unless she’s in the exersaucer or jumpy seat).
Mostly, though, Parker’s nap time is spent giving Mia some extra attention and getting my fill of baby cuddles. If I have a show DVR’d, this is my chance to watch it since I try not to have the TV on too much throughout the day…aside from a couple episodes of Super Why or Little Einsteins here and there.
Once Parker wakes up, it’s playtime for all of us until the babysitter comes and I head to work. The days I’m home with both kids are pretty predictable and repetitive, partly because I thrive on routine but mostly because I’m not brave enough to venture out in the cold with both of them (unless it doesn’t involve getting out of the car, like a quick run to the bank or Starbucks drive through).
As predictable and uneventful as they are, those naptime minutes are still just as valuable. I feel sort of like a ninja on the days I’m able to time everything out really well and get all the things — you know, showering, eating, maybe a load of laundry — crossed off my list.
I would have never guessed back in the day that those things would become accomplishments, but it seems that comes with the territory of being a mom. As does writing an entire blog post about nap schedules, apparently.
by Rachel | Motherhood
Technically I could call this post “almost eight months of breastfeeding” because, you know, second baby…but let’s pretend I wrote this two months ago just like I did the first time around.
The thing about breastfeeding for the second time is that you actually know what you are doing from the get-go. I get that all babies are different, and Parker and Mia are no exception, but I learned from my rookie mistakes and have had a much smoother experience this time.
I thought Parker was a good nurser, but Mia has been an even better one since day 1. Her latch was perfect from the start, and she is nowhere near as distracted as he was (even at almost eight months). She took longer to get used to bottles, but now she takes them like a pro when I’m at work.
My body has also gotten much better at feeding, for which I am so grateful. I had some supply issues with Parker a few months in, and I dealt with plugged ducts on a weekly basis. This time around, I can count on one hand the number of plugged ducts I’ve had, and my supply has been great. Having both experiences has helped me to really appreciate the smooth sailing with Mia — especially since life is busier and more demanding now.
We introduced Mia to solid foods at a little over six months, and so far, she’s not a huge fan. If she’s anything like her brother, she may not come around for a while longer, which is okay. I’m not going to sweat it like I did with Parker, because now I know that eventually she’ll enjoy eating food and for now, she gets everything she needs from breastmilk.
I’m planning to continue nursing at least through Mia’s first birthday, if not longer. Parker self-weaned at 15 months, on the same day I found out I was pregnant. Since I’m pretty sure there are no more babies in my future, I won’t mind going even longer with Mia.
We don’t have much downtime other than when she’s nursing, so it’s wonderful to have quiet moments built into our day. The bittersweet thing about the second baby is that now I know how fleeting this time is, and every second I spend snuggling and rocking her is so precious.
by Rachel | Motherhood
I thought I was going to hate it. I still worked from home during Parker’s first year, so “pumping at work” meant walking from my home studio to my kitchen.
This time around, I was completely dreading having to remember my pump and parts every day, haul everything back and forth, and then set up shop in my studio between clients.
It took a few days to get the routine down, but once I did, something completely unexpected happened: I started looking forward to my pumping break.
It’s only 15 minutes, and I have to hurry through the prep and cleanup, but the time spent actually pumping gives me a chance to relax my brain for a few minutes. My afternoons and evenings are otherwise nonstop with back to back students, clients and groups, so it’s nice to be able to check my email, scroll through Facebook, and have a snack.
I’m lucky in that I was able to structure my days so that I only have to pump once; I would probably enjoy it much less if I had to pump multiple times throughout the day. And ask me in May how I feel about pumping at work…I’m pretty sure I’ll be over it at that point.
Two months in, though, I’m happy to have this tiny bit of downtime in my day. As long as I have a lock on my door and a fridge for storage, I’ll keep on keeping on.
by Rachel | Motherhood
For a while there, it seemed almost too easy, too good to be true. I had a newborn who slept amazingly, which meant I was getting enough sleep to keep up with both her and my toddler during the day and still wake up before the sun to get some work done.
I was nailing the whole business-owning, working mom of 2 thing…until I wasn’t. Mia stopped sleeping through the night about a month ago, and right around the same time, life seemed to amp up to a speed that I just haven’t been able to keep up with so far.
There are never enough hours in the day to get everything done, my house is never clean enough, my to-do list is way too long, I’m always tired, and I feel like everything I do is only half done.
People constantly ask me how I “do it all” and from now on, I’m going to share this blog post with them. Because I know as moms we’ve all been at this point, and I’m clearly no exception.
This is just a short season in my life, and I’m sure in a year I’ll look back at these photos and wish for squishy little baby cuddles again. But I would be lying if I said it wasn’t hard, and that it’s rainbows and butterflies every day.
I love my kids and I love my work, I just don’t love constantly feeling pulled between the two. And though I’m thankful to have a successful business, it’s hard not to resent an inbox full of emails when I just want to enjoy the weekend with my family.
I’ve interviewed 40+ fellow music therapists — many of whom are also business owners and ALL of whom are moms — for my podcast, so by now I know there is no magic formula for balancing life and work. And that piece of knowledge does make me feel a tiny bit better, but it still doesn’t make life any easier.
I’m not writing this to complain; I suppose the reason I’m writing this is to make you feel better, especially if you were one of the people that thought I had it all together. And you know what? Admitting that I don’t is amazingly cathartic.
by Rachel | Motherhood
Every week, I ask my podcast guests about their self-care practices. That is, what they do to nurture their spirits and recharge their batteries.
Some do yoga, others grow gardens…the list goes on. And then there are some who admit that this is an area where they fall short. I get it; I’m not good at self-care either.
All my current hobbies (songwriting, recording, website geekiness) are related to my work because I gave up the ones that weren’t (biking, working out regularly, scrapbooking) when I had kids and no time to pursue them.
So yesterday during our intern’s weekly supervision meeting, I felt a little like a hypocrite talking how important self-care is and assigning her to partake in self-care activities each week.
And then I woke up this morning and felt like a kid on Christmas when I remembered that I don’t work on Fridays anymore. Not that I don’t absolutely LOVE my work, but there is nothing better than ending the week with a day devoted to my babies — nowhere to go, nothing around which to plan our day, the whole weekend spread out in front of us. THIS is my self-care.
My first non-work Friday has been awesome. My friend Angie came over so that Parker and Janie could have a play date while we got to hang out with the baby girls.
And while Parker is napping, I’m typing this blog post with Mia asleep on my lap, not running around trying to accomplish a million things like I do on work days.
I may never work on Fridays again, and instead of feeling guilty about that, I’m just going to call it self-care.
