For a while there, it seemed almost too easy, too good to be true. I had a newborn who slept amazingly, which meant I was getting enough sleep to keep up with both her and my toddler during the day and still wake up before the sun to get some work done.

I was nailing the whole business-owning, working mom of 2 thing…until I wasn’t. Mia stopped sleeping through the night about a month ago, and right around the same time, life seemed to amp up to a speed that I just haven’t been able to keep up with so far.

There are never enough hours in the day to get everything done, my house is never clean enough, my to-do list is way too long, I’m always tired, and I feel like everything I do is only half done.

People constantly ask me how I “do it all” and from now on, I’m going to share this blog post with them. Because I know as moms we’ve all been at this point, and I’m clearly no exception.

This is just a short season in my life, and I’m sure in a year I’ll look back at these photos and wish for squishy little baby cuddles again. But I would be lying if I said it wasn’t hard, and that it’s rainbows and butterflies every day.

I love my kids and I love my work, I just don’t love constantly feeling pulled between the two. And though I’m thankful to have a successful business, it’s hard not to resent an inbox full of emails when I just want to enjoy the weekend with my family.

I’ve interviewed 40+ fellow music therapists — many of whom are also business owners and ALL of whom are moms — for my podcast, so by now I know there is no magic formula for balancing life and work. And that piece of knowledge does make me feel a tiny bit better, but it still doesn’t make life any easier.

I’m not writing this to complain; I suppose the reason I’m writing this is to make you feel better, especially if you were one of the people that thought I had it all together. And you know what? Admitting that I don’t is amazingly cathartic.