From birth day to 1st birthday, Parker and I spent much of his first year together in that very position. I can’t even imagine the number of hours devoted to breastfeeding over these past twelve months, but I will treasure them always.

I know how many moms struggle with breastfeeding, especially those who have to pump several times a day, so I consider myself very lucky that it worked out so well for us. And I definitely don’t take it for granted, because I know that I might not be so lucky the next time around.

In all honesty, I’m really struggling with weaning. Parker does fine with whole cow’s milk, but it is very apparent that he is not ready to be done nursing. We are down to once a day, right after he wakes up, and then on Friday I leave for my first-ever overnight trip without him. All along I’ve planned to wean in time for this trip, because I don’t want to have to worry about pumping for the 4 days I’m away. Also, I figured having this time apart would help him get used to not nursing anymore.

But in the back of my head, I keep questioning this decision and wondering if I’m rushing it. Maybe we would both be happier if we continued…or maybe I’m just trying to delay the inevitable. Motherhood seems to be full of questions without definitive answers, and I feel like I’m just making them up as I go along.

We’ll see how the next few days go, and I’m going to take my pump with me to California just in case. But whether this week is the end or we keep going a little longer, I’m thrilled that we were able to make it to my goal of one year.