For as long as I can remember, that has been my default setting. But in 2017, a switch was flipped in my brain, and I decided I didn’t want to live in go-mode anymore.
It has taken time to adjust to the idea and practice of living at a slower pace, and I’m still not all the way there yet. It was easier during the summer, when I had a built-in excuse to slow down; now that we are in the throes of fall, it feels like I should be back to life at warp speed like everyone else.
My schedule is busier now, between music classes being back in session, gigs, reviving the podcast I co-host with my business partner and taking on more presenting opportunities, but I’m not “hustling” like I’ve done in the past, especially when it comes to my blog and online business.
I’ve beaten myself up a little in the last few weeks, thinking that I should be working harder and doing more. But the truth is, my business is thriving — even moreso than it was at this point last year despite the MANY additional hours I was putting into it. I’ve had to remind myself of that fact each time the guilt starts to creep in, and just focus on doing what feels right and in the “flow”.
For a long time, I viewed many of my commitments as obligations, instead of enjoying them as opportunities to grow professionally. I even felt that way about writing here (even as much as I love it) and marketing my songs and resources.
The difference between the past and the present is that now, there is intention behind every single thing I do. There is a reason for the time I spend on all aspects of my work; I’m no longer throwing spaghetti at the wall and seeing what sticks.
And I’m exploring new ways to grow personally and professionally — which I never allowed myself time for prior to this year. I’m taking a meditation class, investing in online courses, and continuing to make self-care a priority.
These things are helping me to keep that slower pace and be happier there, but I still hear that siren call of go-mode from time to time…especially since that seems to be how everyone around me is living.
I don’t have a pretty bow with which to wrap up this blog post, because my pursuits (or non-pursuits?) are a work in progress. They probably always will be, since I’m un-learning a lifetime of habits. Which mode are you living in right now?